Recently while looking through my closet, I looked at clothes and shoes and wondered about the kind of person who would wear them. I wondered who that person was, because it definitely wasn’t me. Not anymore.

Then it kind of make you think; “But who am I then?” Why do the rows upon rows of beautiful heels suddenly look foreign to me? They once excited me so, wearing them, purchasing them, collecting them like trophies. Now they’re in my way. I wish I could trade them for running shoes, takkies and quirky Dr Martin’s.

Is that who I am now? Or is that who I’ve always been? You know what they say about women in flat shoes! Is this an identity crisis?

Our identity is the qualities and values that define who we are, or how we see ourselves and how we perceive the world sees us, our sense of self. So, it’s really all about you, you create it. You think of yourself a certain way and therefore you are. Your identity is shaped by what you do, the roles you play, the labels you place on yourself and yet, it’s so much more than that.

How can you just lose your identity? Actually, it can just happen over night or sometimes it can happen gradually with time. A major life event or trauma can be the cause, such as losing your job, or letting go of a certain role that once defined us, like being a wife or mother, even getting to a certain age. Sometimes we lose ourselves through the ‘merging’ of personalities with a significant other.

When you lose your sense of self, you are likely to look for validation externally and it suddenly becomes very important what other people thing about you. In reality, only one person’s opinion about you matters – yours. “To thine own self be true”, Polonius was onto something, but first, you need to know who that is.

People without a solid sense of identity tend to buy what is popular, do what others suggest and follow trends and end up participating in activities that they don’t truly enjoy. This is not a recipe for happiness, as the pattern continue, they become even more disconnected from themselves and end up feeling that they are not living their own lives.

• What can we do about it?
• Get to know yourself
• Make sense of your past
• Accept yourself
• Listen to your inner voice
• Make decisions & take charge

Still, some of us think we have it all figured out, we know exactly who we are, or who we want the world to think we are. While this approach may work for some, others may feel the deep despair and exhaustion from living an inauthentic life.

On the other hand, some of us are tirelessly working on bettering ourselves, only to find that we are eventually still ourselves.

“Finally I am coming to the conclusion that my highest ambition is to be what I already am. That I will never fulfill my obligation to surpass myself unless I first accept myself, and if I accept myself fully in the right way, I will already have surpassed myself.” – Thomas Merton